


I Love You (Just As You Are)

by nevermore_plutonianshore



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hospital, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide attempt, Injury Recovery, M/M, Nightmares, Post-Canon, Post-Squip, Rich-centric, Romance, Roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-15
Updated: 2017-11-15
Packaged: 2018-11-20 19:17:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11341650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nevermore_plutonianshore/pseuds/nevermore_plutonianshore
Summary: He wished he had never gotten a SQUIP, he wished he stayed invisible like he was in freshman year, he wished he had killed himself in the fire, he wished Jake hadn't saved him. He wished-He also wishes Jake would love him. Thankfully, only one wish came true.





	I Love You (Just As You Are)

_Beep Beep Beep Beep Beep ___

__That was the first sign that had assured him that he was alive, or dead... so 'assured' wasn't really the best word. But when he was able to hear more than just the mechanical beeping of the machines, when he was able to hear people being alive and talking, that's how he knew he was actually alive._ _

__He didn't open his eyes- he didn't need to. He knew that there would be nobody sitting there, waiting for him to get up, praying that he'd make a safe recovery. He knew his dad was probably drunk off his ass somewhere right now. And he knew his friends didn't care that much about him, and the ones that did, mainly Jake, probably hated him now. Why wouldn't they? Why wouldn't he?_ _

__"WELL, YOU'RE RIGHT ABOUT THAT." That voice haunted him, it sent shivers down his spine, and he could feel the goosebumps that dotted his skin under the casts. His SQUIP was still there, he wasn't able to get rid of it. He couldn't even kill himself right. He was a failure._ _

__"I COULD HAVE TOLD YOU THAT." It taunted him._ _

__"Shut up! Shut up, shut up, shut up!" He screamed at the top of his lungs, but he soon regretted it as he broke off into a violent coughing fit._ _

__As if on cue a nurse appeared, most definitely hearing his screams._ _

__"Mr. Goranski, you're awake! I'll call a doctor! Are you okay? Who were you talking to?" She looked genuinely concerned for her part._ _

__Rich couldn't take all the sensory input and everything started to go black. Before he could even open his mouth to form a reply to the nurse he passed out._ _

__~X.x.X~_ _

__He awoke much the same way as he did before, but this time instead of just a single, consistent beeping, there were two. And, if he listened hard enough, he could hear someone talking. An actual person actually talking... just, not to him._ _

__He opened his eyes faster than he should have and the bright, fluorescent lights blinded him for a moment. He turned toward where the voice seemed to be coming from. It was that one boy. The anti-social headphones kid, he couldn't think of his name._ _

__"Hey, you." His voice was hoarse and he coughed slightly afterwards._ _

__"Rich? You're awake? I'll go get a nurse." He sounded like that nurse from before. He was going to object, but he had already left by then._ _

__He looked around the room to see who was there, and, sure enough, there was Jeremy. He was asleep, he looked almost peaceful._ _

__"That would explain why that one kid was here." He pondered to himself. He reflexively waited for his SQUIP to respond, but an answer never came. He looked once more over to the sleeping boy and he suddenly understood what had happened._ _

__When the red hoodie kid finally came back with a nurse it seemed as if forever had passed. The nurse subjected him to a long list of questions and he eventually zoned out, answering in only a simple nod or shake of his head. She then called in a doctor and he was given a more detailed version of what happened to him. He had received third-degree burns and had severe lung damage. He was lucky to have survived. Lucky being a relative term._ _

__Finally they left, and, once more, it was just the three teens in the room, two if he didn't count Jeremy. The headphones kid- he couldn't remember his name but he knew it started with an "M". Marcus? Marvin? He didn't remember. Either way he went back to Jeremy, he held his hand and just sat there and talked to him. It was kinda cute._ _

__"You guys are so gay for each other." He'd sincerely thought that he kept that as just a thought, but, judging by the glare that was being directed toward him, it was pretty obvious he had said it out loud. But, not even a moment later, laughter filled the room. It wasn't loud, but it did provide an odd contrast to the dull machines. His confusion was addressed a moment later._ _

__"You have a lisp." Rich blushed as red as the other boy's hoodie._ _

__"Jerk."_ _

__~X.x.X~_ _

__Eventually Jeremy woke up and went home. Michael, he found out what his name was, left, and no other visitors came. Though he did learn what had happened to Jake, and what had happened during the whole SQUIP incident. He's gotta say, the kid wasn't as much as a loser as he though he was._ _

__On the bright side, his SQUIP was pretty much gone, and he was going to be released within the month. And he was now able to fully embrace who he truly is, which meant he had come out as bi, and it felt good._ _

__On the down side, everyone knows that he had started the fire, and while Jake wasn't pressing charges, he could tell that there was a barrier between the two of them. Well, Jake had never come to visit, but because he hadn't Rich could tell. And to make thing worse he was also going to have to go home... to his dad._ _

__It wasn't that he wasn't thrilled to go home. He was, but he knew his dad would be furious at him, and the last time he had gotten mad at him he hadn't been able to go to school for a few days. Most of the time he let him be however._ _

__Rich was rather lonely in the hospital after Jeremy and Michael had left. Apparently everyone had come while he was still unconscious or they hoped that he had died. It was painful to think about how excited everyone had gotten when they all thought he was dead. He heard it from Jeremy and he saw all of the messages. They were all the same, all of them were like:_ _

__"OMG did you hear what Rich did?!?!"_ _

__"I read that he died, what a tragedy!"_ _

__"Can you believe Rich burned down Jake's house!?! Like, OMG!!"_ _

__"Jake should, like, totally stop being friends with him!"_ _

__Did he really mean that little to people? It didn't matter anyway, now he was just "Poor Rich". He, once again, was the topic of gossip at the school, but now instead of everyone talking about how he 'died', it was about how he survived. How now he was horribly scarred and hurt, and he became a topic of pity. It kind of made him want to go back to freshman year, when he was a nobody, when he was invisible._ _

__Tears started to stream down his face and he longed to wipe them away, to move again, to do something besides sit here and think about all the stupid shit he had done. He wished he had never gotten a SQUIP, he wished he stayed invisible like he was in freshman year, he wished he had killed himself in the fire, he wished Jake hadn't saved him. He wished-_ _

__Knock Knock Knock_ _

__He was cut off by the sound of knocking. He looked around again to see if there was another patient in the room, but it was only him. And, even though the door was open and no one else was here, the knocking continued._ _

__"Come in?" He was hesitant in answering and he was upset that a visitor came now, when he had been crying not even a minute ago._ _

__Rich looked away in a half-hearted attempt to clear the tears from his eyes. All he heard was a light tap, the sound of crutches, on the ground in place of footsteps. He knew who it had to be._ _

__"Hey, sorry I didn't come sooner. But I figured we should talk." It was Jake, of course it had to be Jake. Of all the people who could have come right now it was Jake. And he wants to talk. If Rich thought he regretted surviving before, then now he wanted to die, be resurrected, then die again. He could not talk to Jake._ _

__"Rich?" He didn't respond. He could not talk to Jake._ _

__"I came to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't come to see you, that no one came to see you. I'm sorry that everyone's talking 'bout you right now. And I'm sorry that everyone thinks you started the fire." Rich turned over as fast as he possibly could. Jake still didn't believe that he had started the fire. Shit. Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit._ _

__"Um, Jake, I did start the fire." He said quietly and hesitantly. He did not want to see the outcome of this. Though, there was a small mercy in Jake not minding his lisp._ _

__"I know."_ _

__"Then why did you say-" Once again he was cut off._ _

__"I should have said, I'm sorry everybody knows you stared the fire." His words held no malice, but it felt like an accusation, it hurt, each word was a knife. Jake obviously saw how he had flinched away._ _

__"I don't blame you though, it's fine. Don't worry, I'm not mad." He said calmly and carefully, as if he were calming a small child._ _

__"Besides, that house was too big for me anyway. Insurance paid for it all, it's cool." He continued._ _

__"So, you're not mad at me?"_ _

__"How could I be mad at my best friend?" Once more he started to openly sob. He still had his best friend, he still had someone._ _

__~X.x.X~_ _

__"Rich, you sure you don't want to stay at my place?" This was the fifth time Jake had asked him, but he knew he couldn't say yes, no matter how much he wanted to._ _

__"It's fine. My dad would probably want me home anyway." He cast his eyes down. He knew his dad wouldn't give a shit if he came home or not. But it felt wrong to stay with Jake in his new place, after he burned down the last one. Jake could sense this and he replied in kind._ _

__"I'm sure your dad would be fine with it. Just think of it as a long sleepover." He tried to lighten the mood._ _

__After Rich was released from the hospital and he got to go home his dad got mad. Madder than he had ever been before. Madder than when mom died, madder than when Rich broke the window, madder than when his brother ran away. Madder than ever. Rich, of course, was the one he took it out on._ _

__Jake was quick to notice, and he confronted him about it. He explained it all, every last detail he told him. It felt good, being able to tell someone. Though he made Jake promise not to tell anyone. His dad was the only family he had left, and he provided Rich with a house. And he... and he was an abusive alcoholic asshole._ _

__He thought it over a second more before he called back to Jake._ _

__"Actually can I come over tonight? I don't think my dad'll mind." Jake only smiled and nodded his head._ _

__~X.x.X~_ _

__They had gotten used to being roommates pretty fast. They had a system and they worked well together. Rich had brought with his few possessions and with the money from the insurance they had managed to buy some furnishings. Everything was perfect._ _

__Rich had even started to realize that he loved Jake. Not just as his best friend, but as something more. He would never tell him of course. Though, he wanted to. He wanted to so badly._ _

__The only awkward part of the ordeal was the fact that the apartment Jake had gotten was a one room. They had separate beds, but sometimes Rich would wake up screaming in the middle of the night. Memories of the fire, or his dad, or his SQUIP haunted him. He felt bad for waking Jake, but the taller boy said he didn't mind. That didn't make him feel any less shameful though._ _

__Most of the nights they were able to fall back asleep, but this particular night was hard on the both of them._ _

__"Rich, dude, you sure you're okay?" Jake comforted his short friend._ _

__"Yeah, I'm fine, you should go back to sleep. I'll be okay."_ _

__"What kind of boyfriend would I be if I let you stay up by yourself?" The words just kind of slipped out, and even in the dark Rich could see how Jake was blushing a deep red._ _

__"Do-do you like me?" He knew he shouldn't get his hopes up, but he couldn't help it._ _

__"Yeah, I think I do." Jake sounded like he was realizing it for the first time._ _

__"Because I like you too." He said after a moment had passed by in silence._ _

__"You know, I'm really glad I got to know the real you."_ _

__"You are? Why?" He couldn't help but ask._ _

__"Because I love you, the real Rich Goranksi." Each word made him blush harder._ _

__"I love you too."_ _

**Author's Note:**

> First off, it's been a long time since I was in a hospital, so sorry if stuff is wrong. Please feel free to correct me! Also, thank you for reading!! Please feel free to leave a kudo, comment, bookmark, etc. Each comment adds 5 years to my life. You can find me on Tumblr at nevermore-plutonianshore. Thank you!!


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